While liberals like President Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid plot the next three of four trillion dollar "reform" rip-off programs, scorers of millions of innocent Americans suffer in agony.

This is so because, in their angst to pass health care reform and reward trial lawyers/donors in time for the next election cycle, lefties have overlooked a genuine constitutional benefit owed anyone residing in America, regardless of immigration or criminal status: That is, the "right" to dental health.

Dental health includes freedom from the pain of rotten molars, unattended cavities, unsightly chipped teeth, the emotional devastation of less than pearly white teeth, and the socially unacceptable condition known as halitosis, more commonly referred to as "bad breath" by the unwashed masses.

Anyone who has been to a dentist lately knows that affordable dental care is a fairy tale to all but the very rich. Most modern dentists are taught to extract "healthy" teeth immediately and to leave the rotting ones in place as a way of assuring a steady cash flow for the next several years.

Paying for dental care without robbing a bank or extorting funds from the estate of a deceased parent is impossible and is not recommended for anyone with a queasy stomach.

If ever there were a "broken" system, it is America's dental care!

So, Ms. Pelosi, what say ye about adding dental health to you reform blow out? Doing so would only add a trillion dollars or so to your deficit buster, a modest amount that can be recovered by levying a luxury profits tax on right wing dentists!

As such, that would be a win-win for liberals and their rotten mouthed constituents.

Moving on to the next nectar of neglect: Where is the constitutional right to erectile function in the Pelosi bill?

How in the hell can the American male be guaranteed the right to pursue happiness if this vital function is wonky?

Solution: Add erectile function to the reform bill, a steal at one-half trillion dollars. Pay for this right by applying a windfall profits tax on the makers on condoms and other prophylactics.

Other "rights" that need immediate attention:

Right to high-speed Internet connectivity;

Right to psychological counseling and free match making services for those who are HIV positive and shy;

Right to earthquake insurance for residents of California, Oregon, and Washington state;

Right to health insurance for one's pets;

Right to Rush Limbaugh-free High Definition radio, and

Right to free round trip transportation to and from the polls on Election Day for those who intend to cast a straight Democrat ballot.

Face it, America: There is hardly a good, service or privilege on the planet that is not a fundamental right, at least in the convoluted minds of liberals like Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid.

John W. Lillpop is an independent columnist